Wednesday, January 29, 2014

What I hate the most ...

What I hate the most …
Isn’t counting carbs
Isn’t the fact that insulin bottles have taken over our butter compartment
Isn’t managing prescriptions
Isn’t set changes
Isn’t needles
Isn’t checking batteries in Ben’s pump, and test kit (which are different sizes)
Isn’t doctor visits
Isn’t packing our d-bag before we go everywhere and anywhere
Isn’t pouring over the endless stream of numbers, numbers and numbers looking for trends
Isn’t tweaking basal settings (based on a guess)
Isn’t tweaking bolus settings (based on a guess)
Isn’t panicking over a low
Isn’t panicking over a high
Isn't finding bloody used test strips all over the house
Isn’t middle of the night BG checks (I can do those the rest of my life)

What I hate the most …
Is the call from one Ben’s friend’s mom (or dad)
Asking if Ben can sleep over
Asking if Ben can join them for a Bruin’s game
Asking if Ben wants to go to the beach

Yes, Ben can … BUT
Not without careful planning
Not without having the “conversation”
Not without lots of nail-biting

What I really, really hate the most …
Is the feeling of my heavy, heavy heart
And the lump in my throat
Followed by a deep breath
And then a sigh
When I am reminded what Diabetes has stolen,
Ben’s carefree youth

((Deep Breath))


  1. Nailed it. It's all hard, but the loss of carefree is the worst!

  2. Oh. My. Same.

    I was at a group with some parents last night, all of the children have chronic illness, most have not disclosed what their kids have, but I'm pretty sure we are the only D people because it was a potluck and only my thing was marked w. carbs. Anyway, I was expressing something similar to what you're saying here (about the trickiness of planning sleepovers/trips) and one parent said "but my child will *never* be able to have a sleepover." While it is true that that sucks, and I wouldn't, in that group, mention this...I think that we (you and I & the rest of the D people) are in an extra-tricky place where it's within the realm for us to make everything look possible/normal/doable, and I'm glad and grateful that our guys can do stuff, but it's *really, really* difficult and so much work. What you said.

    1. Sorry it took so long to approve your comments! I recently got some creepy comments so I added moderation ... but knucklehead me didn't actually know how that all worked ... so I just found your comments today!