Sunday, October 26, 2014


Saturday night
Everyone is home
From soccer tournament
From hockey game
From soccer game
From working mom’s weekend errands

Putting away groceries
Ben finds his favorite
A bag of frozen wontons
“Please mom?”

Kitchen is a buzz
All three boys
All at the same time
Telling stories
Of their athletic triumphs

Open wonton bag
Dump in hot pan
Dump bag in trash

It’s a cacophony
Of play-by-plays
And we tease
And we laugh
And I forget

Kitchen timer buzzes
Wontons are done
Ben rushes over with plate
“How hungry are you?
How many do you want?”
“Can I have them all?
“Can you save some for me?”

But I am a mom
And Ben is my heart
So I give him most
His plate is full
Ben smiles
I smile

Jeff interrupts
“Do you know how many carbs
are on that plate?”

Oh my!
I forgot
For a glorious hour
I totally forgot
We were a normal family
Cooking a meal
And not worrying
About blood sugars
And carbs!

Well at least I forgot
Fortunately, Jeff did not
I laugh and tease
“I am a horrible T1 mom!
I totally forgot Ben had diabetes!”

As I am digging through trash
For wonton wrapper
To help with carb math
Ben whispers in my ear,
“Sometimes I do that too.
Doesn’t it feel good?”

I don’t want to admit it
I don’t want to encourage forgetting
Not the healthiest
Or safest
Way to handle a chronic disease

But he is right
For a sweet moment
It did feel good
So I smile at him
And nod my head
And he smiles too.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Hard Work

I haven’t written a post in awhile
Been busy
With other non-D things

My oldest started high school
Spent the summer obsessing
Obsessing about his schedule
Like I obsess about Ben’s BGs
Convinced his entire future
Hinges on me getting this right

All the while
Ben’s BGs are all over the place
Tweaked every pump setting
Insulin to carb ratios
Hoping his numbers will come down

Nights were the toughest
Always high
Stubbornly high
And I hate highs at night
Figure if I can keep those down
Might offset the madness that happens during the day

Friends, family, neighbors ask,
“How is Ben doing this summer?”
“Great,” I say
Then me, being over-honest add,
“But his BGs have been all over the place.”

Over-sharing, bad idea!
Because this always leads to,
“I know so-and-so who has Type 1
And they have it all under control.
Why is it so hard for you?”

Scratch head
Never sure how to reply
Since I don't know so-and-so

After the third time,
I am asked the same question
I finally come up with this reply,
 “There is a difference between
Having a hard time and trying hard.
We are trying hard.”

This usually leaves them scratching their head
And conversation changes
And life goes on
Before summer ends
We take one last vacation
Before school starts

Not only is my oldest starting high school
Ben is starting middle school
With Ben’s new schedule
His BGs are again all over the place

Every day after school
I asked my oldest, “How were your classes today?”
I asked Ben, “How were your numbers today?”

Eventually, I stop nagging
Over the first few weeks of school
My oldest settles into the high school
Making the soccer team
Enjoying most of his classes
(there will never be joy in Algebra)
And Ben’s BGs settled down too

Just this week was
Endo appointment time
Before we left
I already figured
We were going to see a high A1c
It had been a rocky summer
And a rocky start to school

But, to our surprise
Ben’s A1c was the lowest it has ever been!

When we got home
Jeff asked Ben,
“How was the appointment?”
Rather nonchalantly Ben said,
“Doctor didn’t really say much
Because she spent the whole time
Telling us how awesome we are.”

I gave myself a high five

Sometimes trying hard
Does pay off!
Now, if only I could convince my oldest
Hard work could pay off in Algebra too!