Forgetting

Saturday night

Everyone is home

From soccer tournament

From hockey game

From soccer game

From working mom’s weekend errands

Putting away groceries

Ben finds his favorite

A bag of frozen wontons

“Please mom?”

Kitchen is a buzz

All three boys

All at the same time

Telling stories

Of their athletic triumphs

Open wonton bag

Dump in hot pan

Dump bag in trash

It’s a cacophony

Of play-by-plays

And we tease

And we laugh

And I forget

Kitchen timer buzzes

Wontons are done

Ben rushes over with plate

“How hungry are you?

How many do you want?”

“Can I have them all?
Chuckle

“Can you save some for me?”

But I am a mom

And Ben is my heart

So I give him most

His plate is full

Ben smiles

I smile

Jeff interrupts

“Do you know how many carbs

are on that plate?”

Carbs?

Oh my!

I forgot

For a glorious hour

I totally forgot

We were a normal family

Cooking a meal

Laughing

And not worrying

About blood sugars

Insulin

And carbs!

Well at least I forgot

Fortunately, Jeff did not

I laugh and tease

“I am a horrible T1 mom!

I totally forgot Ben had diabetes!”

As I am digging through trash

For wonton wrapper

To help with carb math

Ben whispers in my ear,

“Sometimes I do that too.

Doesn’t it feel good?”

I don’t want to admit it

I don’t want to encourage forgetting

Not the healthiest

Or safest

Way to handle a chronic disease

But he is right

For a sweet moment

It did feel good

So I smile at him

And nod my head

And he smiles too.

Hard Work

I haven’t written a post in awhile

Been busy
With other non-D things

My oldest started high school

Spent the summer obsessing
Obsessing about his schedule
Like I obsess about Ben’s BGs
Convinced his entire future
Hinges on me getting this right

All the while

Ben’s BGs are all over the place
Tweaked every pump setting
Basals
Insulin to carb ratios
Sensitivity
Hoping his numbers will come down

Nights were the toughest

Always high
Stubbornly high
And I hate highs at night
Figure if I can keep those down
Might offset the madness that happens during the day

Friends, family, neighbors ask,

“How is Ben doing this summer?”
“Great,” I say
Then me, being over-honest add,
“But his BGs have been all over the place.”

Over-sharing, bad idea!
Because this always leads to,
“I know so-and-so who has Type 1
And they have it all under control.
Why is it so hard for you?”

Scratch head
Never sure how to reply
Since I don't know so-and-so

After the third time,
I am asked the same question
I finally come up with this reply,
 “There is a difference between
Having a hard time and trying hard.
We are trying hard.”

This usually leaves them scratching their head

And conversation changes
And life goes on
Before summer ends
We take one last vacation
Before school starts

Not only is my oldest starting high school
Ben is starting middle school
With Ben’s new schedule
His BGs are again all over the place

Every day after school

I asked my oldest, “How were your classes today?”
I asked Ben, “How were your numbers today?”

Eventually, I stop nagging

Over the first few weeks of school
My oldest settles into the high school
Making the soccer team
Enjoying most of his classes
(there will never be joy in Algebra)
And Ben’s BGs settled down too

Just this week was

Endo appointment time
Before we left
I already figured
We were going to see a high A1c
It had been a rocky summer
And a rocky start to school

But, to our surprise

Ben’s A1c was the lowest it has ever been!

When we got home

Jeff asked Ben,
“How was the appointment?”
Rather nonchalantly Ben said,
“Doctor didn’t really say much
Because she spent the whole time
Telling us how awesome we are.”

I gave myself a high five

Sometimes trying hard
Does pay off!
Now, if only I could convince my oldest
Hard work could pay off in Algebra too!